New months make for nice re-boots of the brain and life:
Since I rebooted my challenge last week (can anyone say DO OVER!!), I am down 3 lbs! Since I have about 77 to go, I’m going to claim these 3 lbs as a victory even if it is just Christmas weight! LOL! I’m also excited about the challenge extension!
Happy New Year!!
Read details of my Thin Within journey at Sweet Child of His.
There’s a lot going in my head today. Super introspective, which is nothing new, but some of the things I’m reading and meditating on, are resonating strongly within me.
Heidi wrote, in Part 4 of her testimony on her blog:
Shame is dangerous. It causes us to isolate, to hide, and furthers our sin/shame patterns. have you found that to be true? I know now that if I have been hiding out at home and not getting out to see people as often, to evaluate my life…what is going on. Am I caught again in a shame cycle?
From Part 5:
In my arrogance and pride, I refused to see what God was saying. I even tried participating in online support groups, but these experiences, too, were cold–devoid of heart for me. My heart was rock solid—frozen…HARD. I wanted God to snap me out of it, but He was calling me to live according to the truth that He had already revealed to me. He had done so much for me…and yet I continued to insist that He do more. I was not yet willing to make the hard choices.
I don’t think I could write what I’ve been going through for the past couple of months any better than this:
- …hiding out at home and not getting out to see people as often…
- …I wanted God to snap me out of it…I continued to insist that He do more…
Yes, welcome to Lundie’s life. **sigh**
The good news is – God can take me exactly where I am, exactly as I am and make some good. He just needs my cooperation…my permission…my willingness.
Up one to 208. As much as I would love to blame the gain on cyclical bloating (which is true), I know that I have not been eating as I intended. I’m fighting some seasonal blues and my self-comfort has been in the candy and hot cocoa that fills this season.
And, as much as I was sorely tempted to just remove myself from the challenge and stop posting about it, here I am.
Thank you to all the really nice people who stopped by to encourage me in this challenge!
Should read “1 lb. gained – 78 to go!”
One of the things that I am doing as part Thin Within is practicing what they call “Observation and Correction”. I have written about this before. I have read it many times. I have tried to think the way I *should* about things. Mostly, it didn’t work for me much in the past.
I think part of the reason for this is that my observations were hasty “yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I’m totally wrong and bad and I *promise* I will do better next time” sort of observations. Defensive, guilty, embarrassed, humiliated, wanting to move on kind of observations.
This time I want to try to do some detached, practical, “let’s see what we can do different” kind of observations.
Over the past two or three days, I can see that several of my overeating behaviors are directly tied to work, and to TV. It seems that if I am going to do either of these things, I feed the overwhelming urge to eat. And even more recently, I have started watching TV episodes on my second monitor while I work…which is a double whammy!!
Now, I could try to just say, “I’m going to go cold turkey” and not watch TV, and not work (LOL!) but that doesn’t seem to be the right thought. I can’t just stop doing things that put me in eating moods or I would never visit my relatives again either!! So, correction. What needs to be corrected? Are there any plans or approaches that can rewire my brain when it comes to food and stressful or recreational situations?
- 462. That I have been blessed with the desire to continue my exercise regimen even though the deadline for the challenge has passed.
- 463. Being reminded that being grateful is as much a part of obedience as not sinning.
- 464. Being thought of as nice.
- 465. Having the ability to choose my actions.
- 466. Renewed connection with some old TW Friends via their new forum.
- 467. A very full week.
- 468. My mom being willing to come and help me out even though she’s as busy as I am!!
- 469. Plans for coffee and conversation with a dear friend.
- 470. A cozy bed waiting for me as soon as I finish this list for tonight.
I was reading another chapter in “Believing God” this morning. The chapter on “I can do all things through Christ”.
I have been floundering about what God’s plan for my life is. I keep getting lost in the hazy mist of imagined missions and huge new projects and church organizations. I think that has been satan’s way of scaring me off. I keep trying to see the God’s eye view of my life and ministry and it has had me pretty demoralized. I try to cast “vision” (which I don’t believe I’m gifted in) for myself and end up getting overwhelmed.
I began to question whether my struggle with my weight was even on his radar. I started to become discouraged that my desire to be set free from my fat and my food idol was selfish. That even though it was the biggest desire of my heart, that God had other “higher” plans for me and that I would just be stuck with fighting the food battle on my own.
After I finished my chapter, I just felt the need to read something scriptural. I needed to hear a biblical answer. I needed to hear God.
And this is what He told me:
And so, dear Christian friends, I [Paul] plead with you to give your bodies to God. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice — the kind he will accept. When you think of what he has done for you, is this too much to ask? Rom. 12:1 (NLT)
I have been so focused on the huge big overwhelming picture that I have been denying the one thing I CAN do. Right now. Give my BODY to him. My whole physical body. The tangible representation of me. He wants it. And that means I am to give it to him and follow what I know to be the “right” methods of caring for it.
He wants me to lose this weight. He wants me to eat when I am hungry, and to abstain from any food when I am not. I don’t think it can be more simple and clear-cut than that. That’s what I have been asking for. To know the path he wants me to walk. This is the path he has chosen for me right now. I just need to WALK IT!!
For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. Phil 4:13
In the book Thin Within there is a list of scripture that tells Who I am In Christ. I am not sure where this list initially came from as it’s just a list based on scripture, but I wanted to give credit for it now as I plan to post a scripture a day from this list and really think about what these identities mean, should mean, don’t mean to me.
They are on pages 125-127 of Thin Within. I will probably be using a variety of versions of the Bible to understand what the verses mean to me. I will definitely be using the Bible Gateway to do this research.
[ETA this list so BK can preview 🙂 And will link to each of the discussions…of course]
- …God’s child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God which lives and abides forever – 1 Peter 1:23
- …forgiven of all my sins and washed in the blood – Eph. 1:7
- …a new creature – 2 Cor 5:17
- …a temple of the Holy Spirit – 1 Cor. 6:19
- …delivered from the power of darkness and transformed into God’s kingdom – Col. 1:13
- …redeemed from the curse of the law – Gal 3:13
- …strong in the Lord – Eph 6:10
- …holy and without blame before Him – Eph 1:4
- …accepted in Christ – Eph 1:6
- …blessed – Deut 28:1-14
- …a saint – Rom 1:17
- …qualified to share in His inheritance – Col 1:12
- …the head and not the tail; I am above only and not beneath – Deut 28:13
- …victorious – Rev 21:7
- …dead to sin – Rom 5:2, 11
- …elect – Col 3:12
- …loved with an everlasting love – Jer 31:3
- …established to the end – 1 Cor 18:8
- …set free – John 8:31-33
- …circumcised with the circumcision made without hands – Col 2:11
- …alive with Christ – Eph 2:5
- …raised up with Christ an seated in heavenly places – Col 2:12
- …His faithful follower – Eph 5:1
- …the light of the world – Matt 5:14
- …the salt of the earth – Matt 5:13
- …called of God – 2 Tim 1:9
- …brought near by the blood of Christ – Eph 2:13
- …more than a conqueror – Rom 8:37
- …in Christ Jesus by His doing – 1 Cor 1:30
Ok, I’m a sucker for new sites to track and blog and stuff. I do have a MySpace page. I’m not a friend-a-holic there. I only add people that I have some sort of pre-established relationship with.
A couple of days ago I found BuddySlim.com. I was looking for a better ticker to put on this site as the TickerCentral site doesn’t seem to be very stable lately. Not only did I find a ticker, but a site much like MySpace that has mail, a blog, but it also comes with weight tickers, food logs, exercise logs, BMI calculators and all the fun.
I realize that the Thin Within mindset is very different that the forumlaic “calories in – calories used = weight loss” that you will find offered here. HOWEVER – what I DO like about the site is the opportunity to have a place to blog repeatedly about my eating without boring any readers to tears. I also like having a weight loss ticker and a food log. I am not paying any real attention to the “math” that the log does for me. What I am finding useful is just seeing what I’m eating. Entering it into this log is really opening my eyes at the quality of food that I have been eating. And it’s not pretty. My quantity and quality have been horrendous.
So, for a season I plan to journal about each meal on my BuddySlim blog with blunt honesty (Thank you Heidi & Pam for the nudge in that direction!) about my plans for the next meal, for the emotions that are bound to show up along the way. Some active “observation and correction” will be happening there!
If you set up a page for yourself – please “friend me”!