Consistency

Oswald Chambers, in My Utmost for His Highest, for November 14

Beware of being obsessed with consistency to your own convictions instead of being devoted to God….There was never a more inconsistent being on this earth than our Lord, but He was never inconsistent with His Father. The important consistency in a saint is not to a principle but to the divine life. It is the divine life that continually makes more and more discoveries about the divine mind. It is easier to be an excessive fanatic than it is to be consistently faithful, because God causes an amazing humbling of our religious conceit when we are faithful to Him.

By Your Side – Tenth Avenue North

Be Still, huh?

I’m getting another common message.  My friend Heidi, and Soul Revolution author John Burke have both written something I think God’s trying to tell me.

Even now, I’m writing instead of taking time to be still…so…I’m gonna go now…

Day 5 – 60-60 Experiment

There’s a lot going on in my head, in my life, in my spirit.  I have wanted to blog about it several times, but I don’t yet have the words.

This Experiment has, so far, been the most profoundly impactful thing I’ve done.  It’s bringing things to the forefront that I haven’t really dealt with yet.  It’s humbling me and refining me.  It’s also giving me a level of connection with God that I don’t know if I’ve maintained very often, but don’t want to do without.

I got a copy of Soul Reflection yesterday (Thanks, Mike!), and I can tell you this…when it’s released, I’ll be recommending it to anyone who wants to change their life.

God is good.  God is here among us.  And he’s ready for you, whenever you ask!

There is no time like the present…

“For the next 60 days, try to stay in a continuous, honest conversation with God, willing to do his will moment by moment.”

SoulRevolution.net

This is the beginning of a challenge put forth by John Burke in his soon to be released book, Soul Revolution: How Imperfect People Become All God Intended.

John Burke spoke at the Leadership Summit and lodged some serious nuggets in my brain.

I missed out on being able to buy an advanced copy of his book.  🙁  Sadly, I was unaware that it had not yet hit stores, so I just figured I’d pick one up from Amazon.  It will not be shipped until October 1.

But God is moving in my mind and in my heart.  I am going to start the challenge by myself, right now.  Life’s too short, and this is too important, to put off until later.

Anyone want to join me?

Panning for Gold

Ok, so that’s not quite the analogy I am looking for, but was the closest I could come to describing what I’m going through today. I’ve been looking for the big gold nuggets in among all the little ones.

After two intense days at the Leadership Summit, I am now sorting through thoughts and ideas, and re-reading notes to try to see what pieces of what I heard need to stick with me. I do NOT want to come away from this Summit unchanged. I do NOT want to go back to life as usual. I MUST learn and grown and incorporate the things I am convinced God put out there right in front of me.

But what are those things?

I’ve been flipping through the Summit Book*, and I think the three biggest ideas that I’m taking away from this are:

1 – Where I am now

Bill Hybels, in Session 1, started the session off so powerfully, with his humility and passion. He drew a chart of the path of a Christian. There were four stages with the last two being the “Growing Christian” and The “Christ-Centered Person”. The growing Christian says “God bless my program” and the Christ-Centered person says “My life is yours.” I’ve been standing on the edge of the big chasm that separates the two — the chasm that requires that life-sized leap of faith.

Best quote (aka Axiom):

If something feels funky…engage.

2 – What I needed to hear

Gary Haugen’s speech, in Session 2, hit me really hard with his story of going mountain climbing with his father and brothers. Fear paralyzes me so much of the time. I’m consistently searching for ways to make life safer. And while becoming safe, I am becoming stuck.  I came away from this session with this quote:

“Jesus didn’t come to make us safe, he came to make us brave.”

3 – Where I go from here

John Burke, in Session 4, was probably the speaker that motivated me the most. The message of grace that he lives is what I want and need to hear more of. I am SO ready to read his book, “Soul Revolution“, but was crushed to find that it hasn’t even been released yet! I’m ready NOW! 🙂 I have pre-ordered it, printed out the first couple chapters, and joined the Soul Revolution beta community.  I’m ready to do the 60-60 challenge…the goal being to put my energies into connecting with God on a regular and frequent basis.

Best quote:

“Stay connected. Fruit happens.”


*Thank you so much, by the way, to the Willow Creek staff for putting the note taking sheets in between session summaries, and the many sheets in the back half! Very useful!

Waiting

Though it’s still difficult to talk about, I wanted to share here that we found out on Wednesday that I have miscarried. While we wait for the physical eventualities, I am going to remain somewhat offline for a while.

Thanks for understanding.

Prayer

What do I want? What is stopping me from going after it? Fear? Fear of failure? Fear that if I pursue something I want and it’s not God’s will, then it’s doomed to fail. So…why do anything unless it’s got God’s stamp of approval.

Yeah, that’s what my life’s about. Blaming my lack of pursuit of anything on God not giving me the visual thumbs up.

God, please show yourself in a way that leaves me without doubt that you are speaking to me. I’m so terribly afraid that I have ignored you for so long that I won’t get to hear you. Or that I will just dismiss what you have told me because it isn’t what I want to hear.

What am I afraid of? Failure? Wasting effort. That angers me most of all. Expending precious energy and having it be worthless. Striving. I hate striving.

God, help me. Please bring clarity to my mind and heart. Help me to see what ever time and truth I may be in. Help me make today worth the effort of living.

Tell me when I’m gonna live again
Tell me when this fear will end

Rebirthing.

Take it all. Everything. I don’t have any answers within me. I want to have the truth. I want to know the truth. I want to walk in truth. Help me.

Competition

I recently noticed that I am obsessively alternating between competitiveness and “sour grapes”. If I see something I admire, I want to do/be/have it. If it’s not easy, or possible, then I tear it down in my mind so I don’t want to do/be/have it anymore.

I just came upon a beautiful blog called “Noticing Project“. My first response was to think, “I could do that too!” And then I thought about how many other things are going on in my life and there’s just no way to squeeze in another project that I would cast aside in a week or two. So I just got discouraged and closed the blog.

Why can’t I just enjoy and respect it for what it is? Why can’t I just be a consumer of such wonderful things. I have felt the same way about a few other inspiring blogs. They’re well designed and well written. Why do I feel the need to try to transform myself into what I admire?

Well, there’s the rub of it…I try to do the transformation. I am seeing a theme here – big surprise! God’s the transformer. He’s the one to make the change in me. It’s my job to be changed by Himinto what HE wants me to be.