Passion

I think God created us with natural given passion.  It’s been highly underused in my life and I am tired of living life out of obligation and responsibility.

No, I’m not going to go all crazy, but I am determined to make 2009 a different kind of year than 2008 was.  I’m getting started on it today.

Weigh In #10 – Tales from the Scales

Tales from the Scales LogoAll I can say is 🙁 Well *whew* and :(. I’m down 1 from last week at least. Just was hoping that it was some crazy “that time of the month” thing that would disappear this week. I’m down 1. Sort of.

Hoping there’s a new challenge coming soon?

Read details of my weight loss journey at Sweet Child of His.

Weigh In #9 – Tales from the Scales

Tales from the Scales LogoSorry for the poor timing on this one. I have been sick for the past several days. 🙁 And I broke some weight records…in the wrong direction. But, I am going to pick myself up and, like my son, say – “Oh well!”

No loss. Much gain. (How many do-overs do we get here?) I’m making some changes. Namely, drinking my water. It may seem small, but since I’ve been sick, I decided what my body needed most (after sleep) is water. I actually managed to consume 8 cups of water (not including coffee and soda) yesterday and I am sure that is what is helping me feel better. And now I put of eating until I’ve finished whatever water bottle I’m carrying around. It helps me be sure it’s hunger and not thirst that I’m feeling.

Read details of my weight loss journey at Sweet Child of His.

Weigh In #7 – Tales from the Scales

Tales from the Scales LogoOverwhelmed with work. Forgot to post this earlier – of course I was unenthusiastic about the content I needed to post, but this is life. Up 3.

Read details of my weight loss journey at Sweet Child of His.

Weigh In #3 – Tales from the Scales

Tales from the Scales LogoOk, I’m still in the game, but really am starting over (yes, after two whole weeks!). Christmas plus hormones = really bad combination. Catch you next week!

The ticker will change – but for today it says 80 lbs to go.

Weigh In #2 – Tales from the Scales

Tales from the Scales LogoUp one to 208. As much as I would love to blame the gain on cyclical bloating (which is true), I know that I have not been eating as I intended. I’m fighting some seasonal blues and my self-comfort has been in the candy and hot cocoa that fills this season.

And, as much as I was sorely tempted to just remove myself from the challenge and stop posting about it, here I am.

Thank you to all the really nice people who stopped by to encourage me in this challenge!

Should read “1 lb. gained – 78 to go!”

Who do I follow?

I recently had another dethroning of one of my idols. I have the tendency to look for people who have what I want and idolize them. A fitter body, a cleaner house, a more faithful devotional life.

One by one, my idols have fallen out of my grace. It’s no fault of their own. They are after all, just human. God is just letting me see their humanity, sometimes in rather painful ways, in order to get my attention. You see, He’s the one I’m supposed to be following. He does not want to share my focus. He is a jealous God.

The hard part for me of course is that I like rules. I like the freedom of feeling like all will be well if I just follow the “rules” provided by [insert guru of your choice here]. I want to be guaranteed that if I do A, B and C, I will be rewarded with X, Y, and Z. But I am learning that life is not like that. At least not in the tangible. God does give promises, but what he promises is not about things or activities or circumstances. It’s about His presence, His protection, His control.

So, I am once again seeking to fill a recently vacated position of leadership in my life. I know God is the only candidate, but I’m going to have to adapt the position to suit.

Poverty has not been my experience, but God has allowed in the lives of each of us some sort of loss, the withdrawal of something we valued, in order that we may learn to offer ourselves a little more willingly, to allow the touch of death on one more thing we have clutched so tightly, and thus know fullness and freedom and joy that much sooner. We’re not naturally inclined to love God and seek His Kingdom. Trouble may help to incline us – that is, it may tip us over, put some pressure on us, lean us in the right direction.
– Elisabeth Elliot, in Keep a Quiet Heart, p. 39

Lifehouse – Everything

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you are the light
that is leading me
to the place where
i find peace again
you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life to my soul
you are my purpose
you are everything
and how can i
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
you calm the storms
you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won’t let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
would you take me deeper now
’cause you’re all i want
you are all i need
you are everything
everything

Lyrics On Demand

Self-reliance, pride and other things

Well, I got another flash of revelation from my Heavenly Father this evening. I asked in my last post what all this loitering in my weight meant. God’s letting me see how successful I am when I go it alone. You see, I’m a very, very stubborn girl. I don’t want to be helped. I want to prove myself. I want to be worthy. I don’t want to *owe* anyone. Ever. I hate being indebted. With a passion.

But I need to love Him more. More than my pride. More than my self-sufficiency. I need to trust him with the same intensity that I defend myself. And I need to get over myself. I DO owe God. I AM indebted to Him. I just need him to impress upon me what I really have. He’s not the source of my guilt and my heavy heart. That would be compliments of the accuser.

What I do get is forgiveness and love, even when I boldly and willfully charge off in the direction that I want to go, instead of in the direction He’s trying to gently lead me.

O God, you know how foolish I am;
      my sins cannot be hidden from you.
Ps. 69:5

So, I once again reach up, Father, and ask you to lift me up out of this mud. Show me how to let go of “my way”, and see yours clearly. I don’t want to wander off anymore. Amen.

The beam in my eye

Well, that’s not quite the right analogy, but it’s what popped into my head. In my illness and my quiet reflective time, I have learned what it means to be weak.

I MUST embrace (or more accurately, fully accept) my weakness. And I must practice being strong with God’s strength.

And that means I must stop playing around and address the #1 issue that faces me.

The Pit.

Before I can expect any direction from God in my life, I have to be up and out of the pit I’m in. I can’t travel until I’m up on Solid Ground. Until I’m standing firmly on The Rock.

For those one or two people who read this blog – I have started yet another. It’s a pit-based blog. I will only write in it for as long as it takes for me to fight that fight.

I promise. Once I figure out which of these blogs are the most “me”, I will merge them and be more “united”. Until then…