Drained, physically, emotionally, spiritually…

J5’s sick. He has an ear infection. I know that most parents, by the time their child is this age, have been through it before, but this is our first. J5’s not had a fever before and it has scared me so badly.

I want to run and scream and cry and hide, but that’s not what mommies do. We stay strong and tough and comfort and sooth and calm the little one who just does not understand why things don’t feel good.

I never realized just how much of my heart lives outside my body in that little guy.

We went to see the doctor this morning and Daddy held him while the nurse and doctor did their poking and listening and checking. The sound of the crinkly paper liner on the table sent him into hysterics. It took all of my strength not to just snatch that little body out of his arms and run out of there. Daddy did a perfectly fine job of holding and comforting him, but THAT’S MY JOB!! I’m the MOMMY!

Now, as I sit here listening for any abnormal sounds over the monitor, I wonder…how does God feel when we hurt? If we are his children, does he have these same feelings of fierce protection and the supremely intense desire to make all the pain go away?

I did not spend the time in the Bible that I needed to today. My day started with J5’s weak and panicky cry, and now ends with me wondering where it all went. I can only remember picking J5 up again and again and again as he stumbled over for another hug and snuggle with his blankie. I loved that he came to me and wanted me to comfort him. I just felt so awful, over and over, that I could not immediately take away his pain.

Well, I must go now as I have the feeling J5 will be up in the night. All of the doctors questions have come to pass. J5 was fine until this morning. We went in and she asked how his appetite has been. He ate just fine this week. Then today, he pretty much stopped. She asked if he’s been pulling on his ear. Not really. Until this afternoon. Then she asked how he’s been sleeping. He has not had any unusual interruption in his sleep…

Stay tuned.

On to current things…

Enough of the book reviews. (I’m done for now anyway). I’m in the middle of reading a few of the books on my list so it will be at least another week before I have anything to say on them. Actual reading takes time…

I have discovered that Blue’s Clues is J5’s favorite show. It’s the only morning kids’ show that he watches intently. I think it’s a combination of Blue’s voice and Joe’s enthusiasm. We’ve watched a couple of the older episodes with Steve and he doesn’t seem to like them as much. Maybe I’m projecting, though. I’m definitely a bigger fan of Joe than Steve – probably because it’s Joe that J5 seems to like best. Funny how something that annoyed the stuffing out of me in the past becomes my favorite thing in the world when it makes the little boy giggle with glee!

The only other show to get as much intense interest from J5 is the intro music to The Daily Show, with Jon Stewart. J4 and I watch it every weeknight during dinner, after we’ve fed J5. Good stuff!

And one was juuuuuuust right…


Papa bear, Mama bear, and Baby bear.