Rest

Rest. For the win.

Love and Peace,
Lundie

Day 21 of #Write31Days2016
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Silence

lake
Talking is overrated. The sheer volume of words out there is beyond overwhelming.

I’m coming off several days of feeling like I got hit by a truck. I’m guessing something flu-ish but nothing so severe to warrant a doctor’s visit. One of the things I didn’t feel like doing was writing. So, I didn’t.

Feeling better now, and still not much in the mood for words, but I would like to not completely give up on this writing thing. Except it requires words.

And I really don’t have any.

Peace and Light,
Lundie

Day 20 of #Write31Days2016
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Sunday Night Brain Noise

scribblesThe weather has been weird. Typical fall I guess? After lovely chilly weather, it’s gotten warm and muggy again. It was falling to highs in the low sixties, and rumor has it that it will be in the 80s tomorrow. Ugh. Had to turn the AC back on. No sleep for me without it.

I have nothing to talk about really. I can whine about my weight (I’ve hurtled off the low-carb train temporarily), or my lethargy (helps if I exercise), or being busy at work (who isn’t? And who can really complain about company growth causing more work?). So, none of that. This is more about me trying to stick with “using my words” on a regular basis. Even when I don’t want to.

Had a super overdue lunch with the BFF today, along with a lovely walk. Did various chores at home, and am now sitting quietly enjoying some alone time. There’s just really not a ton to talk about.

A few perusals of Facebook seemed to make me more cranky than anything, so I put that away. So much crazy out there. Wowzas. TMI.

Perhaps tomorrow I will have something more meaningful to say. Perhaps.

Love and Light,
Lundie

Day 16 of #Write31Days2016
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No Complaints

stop-whiningHeard a new perspective today on complaining. It’s actually an attempt by the ego to feel superior. It’s a way for my brain, my ego, to decide that I’m too good for something, or I’m now better than another because of some perceived slight.

I don’t realize how much of my regular conversation is some form of complaint, until I try to be aware and stop doing it. And I’m not the only one. All I have to do is look at a the Facebook feed and immediately I am inundated by outrage and venting sessions. It’s really not a pleasant thing to be around. Even if it makes me feel better, I can’t imagine that energy I’m putting out is positive.

Acceptance of reality, gratitude for the good that is, and an active awareness of the current moment. These are the things I’m making a priority in my life. Habits of thought are very hard to break, but if I’m not going to do it, who will?

Love and peace,
Lundie

Day 15 of #Write31Days2016
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My Brain Hurts

brain-electricitySometimes, when I sit down to write, my mind just goes completely blank. Earlier today I had a couple ideas of what I wanted to write about, but now that it’s evening, I’m not even sure that writing matters. Deep down I know that’s not true. Sticking with writing is good work. It’s healthy for my attempt at character development (my own).

I’m still in sort of a state of numb shock by the political atmosphere right now. I have felt a lot of distress over a radio personality who made huge pompous statements mocking the idea of not having “consent” in a sexual situation is a leftest “libtard” idea. My god. We’re not even talking about kindness, consideration, manners, or basic human respect. We are sinking the the lowest of the low in terms of human behavior. How the hell did we get here?

Of course I have my theories, but I’m not really here to talk politics, I’m here to practice putting words to the electrical storm that is my brain.

On the more positive side, I watched a lovely speech by the First Lady. She has done a lot lately to further the empowerment of young girls. I truly will miss the Obamas being in the White House. Their class and grace will be sorely missed.

If I am not careful, I can start growing a huge ball of fear in my belly over the possibility of our nations future demise should the vote next month take a disastrous turn. Do you know what I fear most? The temper tantrums of the losers. It has become entirely too “the norm” to air your deep dark dirty insides and lash out at the people around you. Our country’s leadership has turned into one huge live action reality soap opera.

I’m sick of it. (Guess who was too busy to meditate today. Can you tell??)

Ok, so I’m done for tonight. I wish I had more inspirational things to say, but tonight, it’s just not in me.

Love and peace, (even if I’m not feelin’ it, I still wish it for you, dear reader)
Lundie

Day 13 of #Write31Days2016
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The Space Within

emptyspace
I turned a corner in my meditation practice today. Continued listening to the audiobook “The Journey into Yourself” by Eckhart Tolle. I’m now able to see meditation as a positive pursuit of presence in the moment rather than a resistance to thoughts and distractions. I have always had trouble with the unpleasantness of resistance, and now this feels and works so much better.

Like looking at the starry sky at night, there are stars, and there is space. When centering during meditation, there are thoughts and then there are gaps. The gaps are where there is just “being”. “Being” not “thinking”. That “being” is me in the present moment. Now my meditation is less about pushing thoughts away and resisting them, and more about breathing and putting my attention on those gaps. The more I become aware of the gaps in thought, the bigger they become. Relaxation and peace sort of flow in and around. It feels more like relaxing my mental grasp of words and thoughts, and just resting.

I gotta tell ya. My life is currently more hectic than it has been in a long time, but somehow staying aware and awake in the present moment has given me respite. Moment by moment living is a really decent space to exist.

Love and peace,
Lundie

Day 12 of #Write31Days2016
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Float-y

The song in my head:

Eon, by Celldweller

Testing out the early morning writing as opposed to end-of-the-day writing.

Fresh from my lap swim at the Y, I have more hope for the day. Not exactly rosy sunny glasses or anything, but somehow morning-person-hood is a little more positive. I supposed it feels like I’m getting ahead of the game, which isn’t exactly supporting my living-in-the-moment attempts, but if I’m going to be at all time-shifted, I’d rather feel ahead then behind!

I’ve been “face down and pushing through“, which isn’t all bad, but balancing that with taking stock and looking around is how I survive. It’s hard remembering that change is about the only thing I can truly depend on. My meditation practice is all about detaching so I don’t get a limb ripped off clinging too hard to any one thing.

Time to get light and peaceful. I think that’s why I like the pool so much. It’s just…float-y.

Love and peace,
Lundie

Day 11 of #Write31Days2016
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Wrangling Society-Induced Anxiety

peaceful-tree
In order to stay in the game here, I am going to try the 10 minutes of writing to keep the words flowing. I never really set a theme for this writing session. Pretty much just “Lundie’s Life” which is everything and nothing in the way of writing topics.

I don’t want to just sit and bitch about the current state of politics, though that’s pretty high on the list of topics bouncing around in my head. Hard to browse any social media without running into rants and more divisive commentary. I can’t read too much more without being ready to unfriend everyone. Although I have to say the “Bad Lip Reading” of the first debate did amuse me a great deal.

There’s not much newsworthy going on right now. Just living my life as moment to moment as I can. It’s a really interesting process to react to anxiety by letting go of thought. Returning to my breath, taking a moment to locate my hands from the inside (sit still for a moment and “feel” for where your hands are without moving them”) It’s a really nice method to just clear the mental palette and have the upper hand at discriminating thoughts – and watching feelings come and go. Inner stillness is “the bomb” as the kids say. Even now as I write, a few pauses restores mental sanity and the words free up.

I think that’s why I’m having such a hard time watching ANY news/social media lately. Everything just pushes / drives / drills so fast without reflection and response. No real thought. Everyone just talking over one another, trying to win with the perfect timing of the zinger. I watched about 3 minutes of the debate and couldn’t watch it anymore. It really started to feel like some kind of cage match, with moderators throwing meat scraps to get the blood flowing. Blech.

Time to start spending time outside watching the trees instead.

Love and peace,
Lundie

Day 10 of #Write31Days2016
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Meh.

bummed_out_gumball_by_irock312Skipped yesterday’s writing. Ooops!

Gosh, I don’t know how I can lose so many pairs of earbuds. It makes listening to my audiobook very difficult. Today I’m still listening to “The Journey Into Yourself” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s hitting the spot.

Writing today is not coming easily, but here I am. The temps have dropped and the house was freezing this morning. First day of turning on the heat. Fall is really here. I haven’t really accepted that it’s October yet. Lately, I have been so busy with work that I don’t even know what DAY it is. So much for “present moment” eh?

So much mental block.

Need a topic. I would pick up current events and comment on those, but honestly, Trump being (undeniably) revealed as a misogynistic pig will only make me more angry. It’s been clear from early on that he’s reprehensible, but those who support him do so without a clear reason that I do not understand. News like this won’t change their minds. It’s very hard for me to not devolve into “Us” and “Them” mentality when it comes to Trump. I don’t give a shit what political party he’s part of. He’s a toxic human.

I think I need a nap.

Day 8 of #Write31Days2016
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Evening Presence

today

Living in the moment. I’m actively pursuing this process. I’m amazed at how much of my life is geared to NOT living in this moment.

I find that at work I dig in and am so focused that I am not so much “alert” as I am driven. I have a goal/a purpose/a task and I push-push-push until it’s time to break out of my mental hyper-focus and regroup. I don’t know whether or not I would consider my work mode as living in the moment or not. I am very focused on whatever is in front of me, so perhaps? But most times when I stop my work mode, I have sort of a required adjustment time back to “reality”. It’s like I have to down-shift my thinking and it can be tangibly difficult. Lots of conscious breathing and relaxing back into my body.

But the area where I have the room for improvement is in my down time. My evenings are spent either as a spectator of someone else’s story (TV, movies, etc), or a constant stream of random input scrolling through various social media. Neither of these things keep me “present”. Writing, on the other hand, or sketching, both have a very “present” or aware/alert focus. Connecting with another person also is much better when you’re both in the now, just enjoying each other’s presence and conversation.

Both TV and social media are numbing tools for me. They’re usually paired with eating or drinking (post dinner). I think it’s time to find some new evening relaxation activities. Something that isn’t necessarily *active*, but doesn’t take me out of the here and now.

Would love to hear ideas!

Love and peace,
Lundie

Day 6 of #Write31Days2016
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