Intentions for my 47th year

I am finding that the only way to change is to do things differently now. (Yes, seems pretty obvious doesn’t it? But it seems I have the tendency to think that “someday” I will do…[insert wonderful things here]. ) So, with a birthday coming up, decided it’s worth the time to take a moment and imagine what changes I want to make, and get them in front of me so I can start “doing all the things” now.

  • More Being, Less Consuming – Greatly reduce my social media time and spend it being present and interacting with the world around me. There’s so much to see all around me, and I know I’ve missed a lot. Good-bye Facebook app.
  • Flexibility and Strength – “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” – said someone somewhere. I’m fortunate that prevention is still possible. I’ve spent some time lately looking into the exercise styles of people like Max Shank
  • Read, Read, Read – I miss reading. My attention span has been reduced to scroll, scroll, scroll; simply scanning topics looking for something more distracting. I miss in-depth reading. I already have a stack I’m ready to dig into!!

Cheers!

Back to the Basics of Being Me

There’s a reason the title of this blog, Lundie’s Life resonated with me back when I got started. It’s because it doesn’t have a “theme” or “topic” that would constrain me in the future. It really is the core of my focus. This. Is. My. Life.

With my Mother-In-Law’s illness, and the recent death of acquaintances, I am reminded yet again that this life, and the way I live it is all will ever really “have”. Nothing is permanent. The only thing that I can truly call 100% mine is my life.

Of course that statement immediately triggers a “backlash” thought, a quote from the bible, “You are not your own, you were bought at a price.”1 I don’t believe this is true. I believe I am my own. I don’t have to struggle to be what someone else wants me to be, expects me to be, demands that I be. I just get to…BE. No more constant second guessing, measuring, struggling, losing, and failing to be enough. Enough is enough.

I’m rebuilding my confidence in my ability to “human”. To adult. To woman. To Lundie.

I’m working toward being solidly myself while feeling my feelings, and not reacting to stress in life by eating, hiding, avoiding or burying the emotions that come. Should be interesting. Messy, but interesting.


1. 1 Cor 6:19-20. That verse originally was used to evoke a sense of obligation. Why all the externalizing of motivation? Value was placed because of outside forces (e.g., bought by someone else) rather than a value placed on life itself.

Just do something

Really frozen today. Not talking about the weather, but yes, it is god-awful cold outside right now. House just can’t keep up.

What I’m talking about is my propensity to get overwhelmed and then get stuck. It’s not that I don’t know what to do, it’s that I don’t know what to do NEXT. Quicksand for the brain. I have this chaos of things that I want to do, things that I should do, and things that I need to do. I have gotten a taste of doing things I want to do, and I know how restorative it can be. But I also know that neglecting the things that I need to do will make things worse. So where to start?

On days like today, the only real answer is “Just do something”. It’s a priming the pump of activity – just to break the trance that I’m in. Even if that something isn’t the highest priority. It’s like the record is skipping and I can’t go to the next thing. I’m just stuck, with the same noise repeating over and over in my head.

Fun huh?

Peace,
Lund

Decluttering and Gratitude

It’s been another really good day off. This has been a wonderful holiday break. A real introvert recharge. Spent yesterday lounging and today stretching my minimalism wings in my study — the place where stuff goes that I don’t know quite what to do with, but am not ready to let go of.

That’ll be an exciting next step for me – really dig into the minimalist/decluttering world.

Cheers!

New Year-ish

Goals for this next year:

  • #IRL2017 – Extract myself from the majority of social media platforms, connect with the people around me F2F. This also includes offline forms of entertainment, more reading, drawing, and resting.
  • #Unsweetened2017 – Go sugar free / low carb. Ease myself away from the Diabetes diagnosis.
  • #Move2017 – Make movement a daily thing – Find what I love, and what I like and just do it
  • #Minimally2017 – Embrace minimalism – Let go of the stuff that I don’t love or need

The nice thing about these is I don’t have a marked “I started here, and I will end over there” goal. These are just lights in the sky to give me something to look up at to give me a general direction when I get a bit lost in the noise.

The holiday season is all about the noise.

2017 – Thoughts on a New Year


2016 has been an intense year.

I’ve realized I don’t daydream, or imagine things about my future. I’ve spent a lot of my life working to prepare defensive strategies and prevent failure as best as I can. It really is exhausting, and I’ve also realized that shit’s gonna happen no matter what I do.

Only I can do my best work.

So, I’m working out some thoughts out loud.

I have things I want to do. Time to dream, time to set some direction.

I know it will take baby steps, but without a direction, I’m bunny hopping in circles.

Some ideas for my future aim:

  • Take a FB/Twitter/etc. hiatus – Replace with F2F connection, offline activities
  • Go sugar free – Back away from the Diabetes diagnosis
  • Make movement a daily thing – Find what I love, and what I like and just do it
  • Embrace minimalism – Let go of the stuff that I don’t love or need

I don’t know that I’m setting any resolutions, but I guess this is close. Looking forward to a reboot.

Criticism

A photo posted by @byron_katie_quotes on

Day 30 – Speaking Up: I Can’t Want To

Wow. I haven’t touched this blog in over a week. I hit a wall, and no matter how much I told myself I SHOULD write something, in the words of my 4(?) year old self…”I can’t want to!” So, no posts.

There’s one more day to this writing challenge, but I can tell you now, based on my schedule tomorrow (Halloween!) I will not have time for thinking, much less thinking AND writing.

I have to say that I did learn a few things with this exercise — speaking up is something that takes effort, and I think in most cases, it’s worth the work.

The last kind of Speaking Up I think I’ll talk about tonight, is Speaking Up for myself, to myself. When the anxiety and depression are at war in my brain, and I feel both helpless and hopeless, one of my “go to” practices to restore peace is the Think/Feel/Want assignment. When I don’t know what to do next, I grab a journal and pen complete these three sentences:

I think…
I feel…
I want…

And I keep going and going until I come to an understanding (of myself, or perhaps another), or I develop a resolution about an action I can take that will help me.

This practice helps me review my thoughts (maybe I think something that isn’t true, or is an assumption, and needs clarification), my feelings (what am I really feeling — a lot of my feelings start out masquerading as anger, but end up being very different), and my desires (this is the toughest one). Speaking up and letting myself verbalize what I actually want — that there is powerful stuff!

(And I guess there’s a tie-in here after all. It’s only taken me 40 odd years to go from “I can’t want…” to “I want…”) Huh.


31-days-of-speaking-up100x100 My topic for the Write31Days.com project is “Speaking Up”.
#write31days
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Day 08 – Speaking Up: Mini Hiatus

I will be spending the next couple of days with my guys.  Priorities. 😉

Speaking Up

An Introduction

Speaking up is hard for me. Whether it’s due to fear that I don’t have all the right facts, or my thoughts aren’t cohesive enough, or maybe it’s just not my place — I often keep my mouth shut.

It’s not an entirely bad thing, of course. Not speaking allows me to listen. It allows me to practice my “intake” skills. Collecting information. Tucking it away for rumination and analysis. Always keeping my eyes and ears open for patterns and connections.

But sometimes, it would behoove me to speak.

I have taken on a writing challenge to write for 31 days on a topic. My topic is “Speaking Up”. It will likely be some combination of thoughts on how to speak up, and other times simply instances of me speaking up on some topic or another that I really need to get off my chest.

If this sounds like fun to you — join me!

31-days-of-speaking-up100x100