Just do something

Really frozen today. Not talking about the weather, but yes, it is god-awful cold outside right now. House just can’t keep up.

What I’m talking about is my propensity to get overwhelmed and then get stuck. It’s not that I don’t know what to do, it’s that I don’t know what to do NEXT. Quicksand for the brain. I have this chaos of things that I want to do, things that I should do, and things that I need to do. I have gotten a taste of doing things I want to do, and I know how restorative it can be. But I also know that neglecting the things that I need to do will make things worse. So where to start?

On days like today, the only real answer is “Just do something”. It’s a priming the pump of activity – just to break the trance that I’m in. Even if that something isn’t the highest priority. It’s like the record is skipping and I can’t go to the next thing. I’m just stuck, with the same noise repeating over and over in my head.

Fun huh?


Decluttering and Gratitude

It’s been another really good day off. This has been a wonderful holiday break. A real introvert recharge. Spent yesterday lounging and today stretching my minimalism wings in my study — the place where stuff goes that I don’t know quite what to do with, but am not ready to let go of.

That’ll be an exciting next step for me – really dig into the minimalist/decluttering world.


New Year-ish

Goals for this next year:

  • #IRL2017 – Extract myself from the majority of social media platforms, connect with the people around me F2F. This also includes offline forms of entertainment, more reading, drawing, and resting.
  • #Unsweetened2017 – Go sugar free / low carb. Ease myself away from the Diabetes diagnosis.
  • #Move2017 – Make movement a daily thing – Find what I love, and what I like and just do it
  • #Minimally2017 – Embrace minimalism – Let go of the stuff that I don’t love or need

The nice thing about these is I don’t have a marked “I started here, and I will end over there” goal. These are just lights in the sky to give me something to look up at to give me a general direction when I get a bit lost in the noise.

The holiday season is all about the noise.

2017 – Thoughts on a New Year

2016 has been an intense year.

I’ve realized I don’t daydream, or imagine things about my future. I’ve spent a lot of my life working to prepare defensive strategies and prevent failure as best as I can. It really is exhausting, and I’ve also realized that shit’s gonna happen no matter what I do.

Only I can do my best work.

So, I’m working out some thoughts out loud.

I have things I want to do. Time to dream, time to set some direction.

I know it will take baby steps, but without a direction, I’m bunny hopping in circles.

Some ideas for my future aim:

  • Take a FB/Twitter/etc. hiatus – Replace with F2F connection, offline activities
  • Go sugar free – Back away from the Diabetes diagnosis
  • Make movement a daily thing – Find what I love, and what I like and just do it
  • Embrace minimalism – Let go of the stuff that I don’t love or need

I don’t know that I’m setting any resolutions, but I guess this is close. Looking forward to a reboot.


A photo posted by @byron_katie_quotes on

Day 30 – Speaking Up: I Can’t Want To

Wow. I haven’t touched this blog in over a week. I hit a wall, and no matter how much I told myself I SHOULD write something, in the words of my 4(?) year old self…”I can’t want to!” So, no posts.

There’s one more day to this writing challenge, but I can tell you now, based on my schedule tomorrow (Halloween!) I will not have time for thinking, much less thinking AND writing.

I have to say that I did learn a few things with this exercise — speaking up is something that takes effort, and I think in most cases, it’s worth the work.

The last kind of Speaking Up I think I’ll talk about tonight, is Speaking Up for myself, to myself. When the anxiety and depression are at war in my brain, and I feel both helpless and hopeless, one of my “go to” practices to restore peace is the Think/Feel/Want assignment. When I don’t know what to do next, I grab a journal and pen complete these three sentences:

I think…
I feel…
I want…

And I keep going and going until I come to an understanding (of myself, or perhaps another), or I develop a resolution about an action I can take that will help me.

This practice helps me review my thoughts (maybe I think something that isn’t true, or is an assumption, and needs clarification), my feelings (what am I really feeling — a lot of my feelings start out masquerading as anger, but end up being very different), and my desires (this is the toughest one). Speaking up and letting myself verbalize what I actually want — that there is powerful stuff!

(And I guess there’s a tie-in here after all. It’s only taken me 40 odd years to go from “I can’t want…” to “I want…”) Huh.

31-days-of-speaking-up100x100 My topic for the Write31Days.com project is “Speaking Up”.
(learn more)

Day 08 – Speaking Up: Mini Hiatus

I will be spending the next couple of days with my guys.  Priorities. 😉

Speaking Up

An Introduction

Speaking up is hard for me. Whether it’s due to fear that I don’t have all the right facts, or my thoughts aren’t cohesive enough, or maybe it’s just not my place — I often keep my mouth shut.

It’s not an entirely bad thing, of course. Not speaking allows me to listen. It allows me to practice my “intake” skills. Collecting information. Tucking it away for rumination and analysis. Always keeping my eyes and ears open for patterns and connections.

But sometimes, it would behoove me to speak.

I have taken on a writing challenge to write for 31 days on a topic. My topic is “Speaking Up”. It will likely be some combination of thoughts on how to speak up, and other times simply instances of me speaking up on some topic or another that I really need to get off my chest.

If this sounds like fun to you — join me!


March Fourth (Forth)!!


I think it was my first grade teacher, Mr. Boyson, who first introduced me to the joyful realization of the double meaning of “March Fourth (Forth!)” Since that day, I have always giggled inside when someone says the date, and picture them with a sword in hand, raised for battle!

May today be your day to go forward and conquer all that you have in front of you!

Happy March Fourth!!
soldier in armor holding sword

Learn and Live

Things I Learned in 2014

  • Being wrong is not the worst thing in the world. The more quickly I come to terms with it, and admit it (to myself, and to whomever else is involved), the less pain involved.
  • I am trustworthy enough to care for myself. Things greatly improve when I do the things my heart and soul are begging me to do. When I do, I build trust and peace follows.
  • Healthy boundaries take work, but they set you free.

How I Want to Live in 2015

  • I want to build on the things I learned in 2014.
  • I’m trying actively to NOT make resolutions, or to use drummed up will-power to make huge changes in my life changes triggered by panic, or based in fear. Real change only sticks with me if it weathers all moods. And I can’t make the change until I’m good and ready. I’m pretty darned stubborn.
  • I want to discover my alternative to churning up resolve and attacking things I need to change in my life. My life doesn’t have to be that hard. Fighting myself is counter-productive. This year is going to be about figuring out how to stop that fight.

1/4/15 10:30am – Edited: I woke this morning with the thought that this post wasn’t quite right. It’s not about will-power as the mechanism, but fear. I refuse now to make knee-jerk changes based on fear.