I am finding that the only way to change is to do things differently now. (Yes, seems pretty obvious doesn’t it? But it seems I have the tendency to think that “someday” I will do…[insert wonderful things here]. ) So, with a birthday coming up, decided it’s worth the time to take a moment and imagine what changes I want to make, and get them in front of me so I can start “doing all the things” now.
- More Being, Less Consuming – Greatly reduce my social media time and spend it being present and interacting with the world around me. There’s so much to see all around me, and I know I’ve missed a lot. Good-bye Facebook app.
- Flexibility and Strength – “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” – said someone somewhere. I’m fortunate that prevention is still possible. I’ve spent some time lately looking into the exercise styles of people like Max Shank
- Read, Read, Read – I miss reading. My attention span has been reduced to scroll, scroll, scroll; simply scanning topics looking for something more distracting. I miss in-depth reading. I already have a stack I’m ready to dig into!!
There’s a reason the title of this blog, Lundie’s Life resonated with me back when I got started. It’s because it doesn’t have a “theme” or “topic” that would constrain me in the future. It really is the core of my focus. This. Is. My. Life.
With my Mother-In-Law’s illness, and the recent death of acquaintances, I am reminded yet again that this life, and the way I live it is all will ever really “have”. Nothing is permanent. The only thing that I can truly call 100% mine is my life.
Of course that statement immediately triggers a “backlash” thought, a quote from the bible, “You are not your own, you were bought at a price.”1 I don’t believe this is true. I believe I am my own. I don’t have to struggle to be what someone else wants me to be, expects me to be, demands that I be. I just get to…BE. No more constant second guessing, measuring, struggling, losing, and failing to be enough. Enough is enough.
I’m rebuilding my confidence in my ability to “human”. To adult. To woman. To Lundie.
I’m working toward being solidly myself while feeling my feelings, and not reacting to stress in life by eating, hiding, avoiding or burying the emotions that come. Should be interesting. Messy, but interesting.
1. 1 Cor 6:19-20. That verse originally was used to evoke a sense of obligation. Why all the externalizing of motivation? Value was placed because of outside forces (e.g., bought by someone else) rather than a value placed on life itself.↩
This has been a doozy of a year so far.
It’s hard to remain present all of the time. Everything in our society is geared toward escaping the current moment. Don’t feel good? Just take something, drink something, watch something, buy something, go somewhere!
Waiting is hard. Even more so when you have no power to change the outcome.
Distracting myself with current world events only exacerbates the overwhelming desire to escape the current moment.
Practice makes perfect though. When the weight threatens, a deep breath and a “note to self” that “Hey. I feel kinda shitty.” helps. It puts a little gap between me and my feelings and my current situation. Puts me into observer mode rather than sufferer mode. From there I get a little break from the weight of things. (I’m sure learning a lot from Eckhart Tolle’s talk on the “Pain Body”. It makes me happy when my audiobook selection clicks in serendipitous ways.)
My goal still stands. Right here. Right now. Whatever’s in front of me.
Love and light,
Really frozen today. Not talking about the weather, but yes, it is god-awful cold outside right now. House just can’t keep up.
What I’m talking about is my propensity to get overwhelmed and then get stuck. It’s not that I don’t know what to do, it’s that I don’t know what to do NEXT. Quicksand for the brain. I have this chaos of things that I want to do, things that I should do, and things that I need to do. I have gotten a taste of doing things I want to do, and I know how restorative it can be. But I also know that neglecting the things that I need to do will make things worse. So where to start?
On days like today, the only real answer is “Just do something”. It’s a priming the pump of activity – just to break the trance that I’m in. Even if that something isn’t the highest priority. It’s like the record is skipping and I can’t go to the next thing. I’m just stuck, with the same noise repeating over and over in my head.
Living in real life to me means being unbuffered by the white noise of social media and the hurry/scurry of future events traipsing on the now. It also means having to face the bad stuff head-on as it comes.
And, it means expressing my genuine thoughts and feelings in the moment, rather than trying to save them up for some somehow “more appropriate time”. (This is of course, within reason. Waking your SO up in the middle of the night to discuss wall color options isn’t what I’m talking about.)
It just means living with a little less regret. Taking the extra moments to go give your kid a hug before heading out to get groceries, or kissing your SO for a couple of extra seconds as they head off to work. That’s living in THIS moment, and leaving yourself less exposed to regret in future moments. It doesn’t prevent anything bad from ever happening, but it does bring more awareness and enjoyment to the only period of time you have actual control to make a change…right THIS minute.
Recent family events are bringing this to the forefront of my thoughts. I’m so grateful that I’ve been putting this into practice — acting on the small but truly more important things first, even when the pressure of “the urgent” gets high.
#IRL2017 today means really looking at and seeing the people in front of me and making an active choice to be open and engage them. Real appropriate connections do not disappoint.
Peace and love,