I’m listening to an awesome audio book right now – I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Making the Journey from “What Will People Think?” to “I Am Enough” [Audiobook, CD, Unabridged] by Brene Brown. I’m somewhere in the middle of disc 7, so I can’t give you any direct quotes, but meh – it doesn’t even really matter.
The reason I’m writing is it’s time to start using my voice. I haven’t written here in a while. I have another blog where I just spew words that I
don’t worry about worry less about offending the majority of my family and friends. But I’m getting tired of that kind of filtering.
Tonight I’m just going to talk a bit about one of the struggles I have as a recovering perfectionist. When it comes to setting goals, I have had this all or nothing sort of view. If I want to lose X pounds, then I need my action plan where I follow these 10 rules. Or I will always this… Or I will never that… Listening to the book today, Brene wrote about how you can tell whether someone is really going to succeed at change. You can hear it in their language. They say things about progress. Moving toward a goal. Taking small steps in a direction. Not images of perfection. Not still life. Movement from here towards there.
And that really resonated with me. In an attempt to MAKE myself exercise, I signed up for a 100-Day challenge on Instagram (a social media tool I do not use) and picked a topic that would in theory force me into doing something I feel I should be doing on a regular basis, for long enough time that I will somehow have TRICKED myself into succeeding. (See previous post).
Did it work? Ha!
Look, I have some dreams. I have these yearnings to be doing something new or something different in my life. When I get these flashes of desire, I often follow them up with the mental rush of excitement and visioning all the ways it will change me, and then drown in the backwash of all the nay-saying about how change won’t work and I’ll never be what I saw in the vision. It’s a painful cycle and it kept me trapped for a long time.
Lately, though, I’m finding a bit of calm. I’m gaining confidence that small action works. I’m learning that getting “present” in the moment, taking stock of my surroundings, and looking for what area in my life I can put a little effort into, and then JUST DOING IT, is actually making a difference. Can I write an exciting, life-altering, viral-share-worthy “10 Top Tips for Toning your Tummy” blog post as a result? Nope. And you know what? I don’t care. Really. Don’t.
I want to write. I want to be who I am. I want to have a conversation or two or a hundred that make a difference in the world around me. So here I write. Just me being me – using my talking voice (Thanks Micah for that nudge!) Funny thing about that. There is no rule book about how to be Lundie. And that’s pretty damned ok.