I’m really trying to get my head around what it means to extend someone else grace. I have been struggling lately with perceiving my worth. There have been many ways over the years that I have gauged my worth. Most frequently in comparison to or against someone else or their circumstances. Do I have more or less money? Do I handle it better or worse? Am I heavier or thinner? Am I smarter or out of my league? Even the ways I compare are telling of my insecurities.
Whenever I talk to one of my dearest friends, inevitably I am shamed (convicted? confronted?) by the lack of grace I have for others. One of the things we often talk about with each other is how good it is to finally get to the end of ourselves and acknowledge how much we “suck”. In our use, it’s a good thing. Sort of goes hand in hand with humility. But for all of the relief I feel when I get to that point of being ok with how bad I suck, I still find myself being very intolerant of the “suckage” of others.
To be honest, right now, it’s Christian suckage that bothers me the most. I’m not talking about good humble people who screw up. I’m talking about people who wear the Christian badge as if that simply makes them a better kind of human, more worth listening to, more valuable. Simply by being members of an organized religion. And then proceed to crap all over the people they come in contact with. I don’t feel very charitable towards that kind of suckage.
But who am I to judge? They are not me. I am not them. So I’ll drop that category of person from this discussion. I’m not ready to take that group on.
Back to my worth. As a human who wants to live a life the way Jesus would. What do I have to offer another human being that is of worth? Money? I have some, but not so much. Time? Yes, that is also of value, but more time doesn’t make me a better person, while less time makes me less valuable.
This evening it hit me. Grace. That’s the one thing that we can be conduits of to each other. We can be the kind of friend that it’s safe to let all your “suckage” out in front of. We can acknowledge its existence and demonstrate in people form what God’s grace is like. It’s the acceptance in the aftermath. The continuing alongside. It’s the loving within and through and down the road. And it only becomes possible as we receive it through others.
(Thanks BK for coming alongside, and showing me a glimpse of what that looks like.)