It’s been a rough couple of days. I have been wrestling, fighting, struggling. With God, with myself, with doubt and frustration, with anger, with fear. Lots of white noise in my head.
I sat down for my coffee and Bible time today and was brought to this:
But now God has shown us a different way of being right in his sight – not by obeying the law but by the way promised in the Scriptures long ago. We are made right in Go’s sight when we trust in Jesus Christ to take away our sins. And we can be saved in this same way, no matter who we are or what we have done.
— Romans 3:21-22
I do not know why it is that I must always return to my default way of thinking…that I need to earn my place in God’s favor. That in order to be loved and approved I must obey.
Everything in my being screams, but we MUST OBEY. I just have many years of being warned against the “slippery slope” thinking that I run to the opposite, which is legalism. Hateful, miserable, no hope legalism.
I want grace. I want to have it. I want to “get it”. I want to really understand it. I want to be a channel of it. I want to fully accept it. God help me…