I recently noticed that I am obsessively alternating between competitiveness and “sour grapes”. If I see something I admire, I want to do/be/have it. If it’s not easy, or possible, then I tear it down in my mind so I don’t want to do/be/have it anymore.
I just came upon a beautiful blog called “Noticing Project“. My first response was to think, “I could do that too!” And then I thought about how many other things are going on in my life and there’s just no way to squeeze in another project that I would cast aside in a week or two. So I just got discouraged and closed the blog.
Why can’t I just enjoy and respect it for what it is? Why can’t I just be a consumer of such wonderful things. I have felt the same way about a few other inspiring blogs. They’re well designed and well written. Why do I feel the need to try to transform myself into what I admire?
Well, there’s the rub of it…I try to do the transformation. I am seeing a theme here – big surprise! God’s the transformer. He’s the one to make the change in me. It’s my job to be changed by Him…into what HE wants me to be.