There’s a lot going in my head today. Super introspective, which is nothing new, but some of the things I’m reading and meditating on, are resonating strongly within me.
Heidi wrote, in Part 4 of her testimony on her blog:
Shame is dangerous. It causes us to isolate, to hide, and furthers our sin/shame patterns. have you found that to be true? I know now that if I have been hiding out at home and not getting out to see people as often, to evaluate my life…what is going on. Am I caught again in a shame cycle?
From Part 5:
In my arrogance and pride, I refused to see what God was saying. I even tried participating in online support groups, but these experiences, too, were cold–devoid of heart for me. My heart was rock solid—frozen…HARD. I wanted God to snap me out of it, but He was calling me to live according to the truth that He had already revealed to me. He had done so much for me…and yet I continued to insist that He do more. I was not yet willing to make the hard choices.
I don’t think I could write what I’ve been going through for the past couple of months any better than this:
- …hiding out at home and not getting out to see people as often…
- …I wanted God to snap me out of it…I continued to insist that He do more…
Yes, welcome to Lundie’s life. **sigh**
The good news is – God can take me exactly where I am, exactly as I am and make some good. He just needs my cooperation…my permission…my willingness.