Well, I got another flash of revelation from my Heavenly Father this evening. I asked in my last post what all this loitering in my weight meant. God’s letting me see how successful I am when I go it alone. You see, I’m a very, very stubborn girl. I don’t want to be helped. I want to prove myself. I want to be worthy. I don’t want to *owe* anyone. Ever. I hate being indebted. With a passion.
But I need to love Him more. More than my pride. More than my self-sufficiency. I need to trust him with the same intensity that I defend myself. And I need to get over myself. I DO owe God. I AM indebted to Him. I just need him to impress upon me what I really have. He’s not the source of my guilt and my heavy heart. That would be compliments of the accuser.
What I do get is forgiveness and love, even when I boldly and willfully charge off in the direction that I want to go, instead of in the direction He’s trying to gently lead me.
O God, you know how foolish I am;
my sins cannot be hidden from you.
So, I once again reach up, Father, and ask you to lift me up out of this mud. Show me how to let go of “my way”, and see yours clearly. I don’t want to wander off anymore. Amen.