You guys rock!
Well, I got another flash of revelation from my Heavenly Father this evening. I asked in my last post what all this loitering in my weight meant. God’s letting me see how successful I am when I go it alone. You see, I’m a very, very stubborn girl. I don’t want to be helped. I want to prove myself. I want to be worthy. I don’t want to *owe* anyone. Ever. I hate being indebted. With a passion.
But I need to love Him more. More than my pride. More than my self-sufficiency. I need to trust him with the same intensity that I defend myself. And I need to get over myself. I DO owe God. I AM indebted to Him. I just need him to impress upon me what I really have. He’s not the source of my guilt and my heavy heart. That would be compliments of the accuser.
What I do get is forgiveness and love, even when I boldly and willfully charge off in the direction that I want to go, instead of in the direction He’s trying to gently lead me.
O God, you know how foolish I am;
my sins cannot be hidden from you.
So, I once again reach up, Father, and ask you to lift me up out of this mud. Show me how to let go of “my way”, and see yours clearly. I don’t want to wander off anymore. Amen.
What does it mean when I’m not seeing any effects from my efforts? Does it mean that God isn’t answering prayers? Does it mean I am not working hard enough?
Or, more likely, does it mean that I am being given the opportunity to learn patience and perseverance?
I was so angry last night about my weight staying the same that I reverted to some old behavior and ate junk in the evening. Now I realize that I wasn’t behaving rationally. Spoiled rotten was more the mode. Today, I have repented (as I often do the next morning) and intend for today to be a day of fasting until I truly, unquestionably, hunger.
Katrina wrote a post this morning over at Faith Lifts about hungering and thirsting and it made me realize that we are called to not eat until we truly HUNGER. Not we feel like we might be hungry, or food sounds good, but when we are driven by our physical state to consume food. My eating has not been like that for a very long time.
One thing I am truly happy about though is that I’m on track with my physical exercise. I am still Walking the Walk with Leslie and it feels good. That’s one challenge I’m managing to participate in fully!
Well, enough for this morning. I have much to do. Have a blessed day!
I’m filling in over at Faith Lifts today. Drop by if you have a few…
At the end of the Believing God book, by Beth Moore, we’re to imagine that our name goes at the end of the “By Faith…” chapter in Hebrews.
So, what have I done today by faith? I resisted the urge to eat something…anything…during my work time this evening. That has become one of my “usual” things to do. I think I do it so I don’t feel sorry for myself that I’m working late in the evening. It’s like a special “pamper me” thing that does me no good whatsoever.
As a Daughter of God, it’s my place to trust God and to serve others. As I wash out my son’s sippy cups for the 27th time this week, and pick up toys that seem to migrate back to their locations all over the floor moments from my cleaning up, I have been reminding myself that this is the work that God has given me. It’s the work of a mother. It is what I have wanted. I just didn’t realize that it can cause such mental wear and tear.
I have been a semi-regular reader of Ann V. of The Holy Experience of Listening. She has been an inspiration to me on how routine, everyday tasks are truly a form of worship. I have so much to learn. I have been crabby and ungrateful and I feel awful about it.
I am blessed to have a job that I can work at any hour of the day or night. It’s time for me to start seeing all of the “issues” that have cropped up lately as challenges for my mind. I forget that I am still capable of setting my own boundaries and these issues do not always necessitate losing sleep.
I am extremely blessed to have a loving, hardworking, super-smart husband who makes it possible for me to be our son’s primary caregiver, rather than a stranger. I have a son who has the purest heart and is the sunshine in our days.
It’s past time for me to live in gratitude and praise, and in living, moment-to-moment faith that God has indeed blessed me and has placed me exactly where I am for His own purposes. Instead of focusing on any little stressor, I need to view my day as it comes, seeing instead, the hand of my Father, holding me and molding me – just as I do my son.
Well, this post sort of wandered, but I want to come back to my point. I would like to live my day so that at the end of it, it can be said of me, “By faith, Lundie….”
I am amazed at my ability to not waver in the least in my weight. I’m encouraged, though. This past weekend (Fathers’ Day) was filled with some SERIOUS indulgence to the point of pain. So, I guess when you pair that with an increased level of activity, you get “maintenance”. Too bad I really want to be in “loss” mode. 🙂
It will come.
It’s my Monday at Faith Lifts, so if you have a chance, come join me over here:
- 396. A seriously wonderful Fathers’ Day with almost all our family.
- 397. Our son, who made the Fathers’ Day possible, and a joy in our home.
- 398. The cool relief of A/C in muggy and sweltering Chicagoland summer.
- 399. Good books to read
- 400. Friends to crochet and drink coffee with (Love you Chix N Stix gals!!)