Like I may have mentioned, I am currently reading Eastertide: Prayers for Lent through Easter from The Divine Hours. A pray that I just finished reading struck a chord with me:
Eastertide, p. 76
O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing. Send your Holy Spirit and pour into my heart your greatest give, which is love, the true bond of peace and of all virtue, without which whoever lives is accounted dead before you. Grant this for the sake of your only Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
Without love I am nothing.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
I lost the battle this afternoon. Around 3:00p or so, I just gave up. Went into the kitchen and ate a handful of chocolate mints and several Hershey’s minis. The volume wasn’t the issue. It was the willful jump into the pit. I have been under attack from virtually every direction today. My concentration upon waking was attacked. I read the prayers, but didn’t wait for the “go-ahead” from God. Started my day without feeling His peace.
Couldn’t concentrate during work. J5 took a really short morning nap, much too short. Lunch was greedy. J5’s afternoon nap was late and I don’t even know for sure if he slept. I lost the battle waiting for him to sleep. My house is a mess. I saw the candy when unpacking groceries. Once they were opened, the battle was waged. It was so quick. I virtually surrendered with my hands outstretched. Why do I do it so willfully? So rebelliously? Why do I visualize a rebellion against God? Why do I think he’s trying to cause me pain or suffering? Why do I believe that taking food when it’s not needed will somehow make me happy?
J5s second nap ended abruptly when two AT&T men came to the door and Avedis barked loudly. (Good dog!!) Had a salesman come to the door yesterday and almost connive me into switching without making it clear that they weren’t the “same” AT&T as my service provider. May have been confusion, but I resented it. I didn’t really let the two guys explain themselves. Today was not the day…