Without love I am nothing.

Like I may have mentioned, I am currently reading Eastertide: Prayers for Lent through Easter from The Divine Hours. A pray that I just finished reading struck a chord with me:

Eastertide, p. 76
O Lord, you have taught us that without love whatever we do is worth nothing. Send your Holy Spirit and pour into my heart your greatest give, which is love, the true bond of peace and of all virtue, without which whoever lives is accounted dead before you. Grant this for the sake of your only Son Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

Without love I am nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1-3
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

I lost the battle this afternoon. Around 3:00p or so, I just gave up. Went into the kitchen and ate a handful of chocolate mints and several Hershey’s minis. The volume wasn’t the issue. It was the willful jump into the pit. I have been under attack from virtually every direction today. My concentration upon waking was attacked. I read the prayers, but didn’t wait for the “go-ahead” from God. Started my day without feeling His peace.

Couldn’t concentrate during work. J5 took a really short morning nap, much too short. Lunch was greedy. J5’s afternoon nap was late and I don’t even know for sure if he slept. I lost the battle waiting for him to sleep. My house is a mess. I saw the candy when unpacking groceries. Once they were opened, the battle was waged. It was so quick. I virtually surrendered with my hands outstretched. Why do I do it so willfully? So rebelliously? Why do I visualize a rebellion against God? Why do I think he’s trying to cause me pain or suffering? Why do I believe that taking food when it’s not needed will somehow make me happy?

J5s second nap ended abruptly when two AT&T men came to the door and Avedis barked loudly. (Good dog!!) Had a salesman come to the door yesterday and almost connive me into switching without making it clear that they weren’t the “same” AT&T as my service provider. May have been confusion, but I resented it. I didn’t really let the two guys explain themselves. Today was not the day…

Who is my judge?

This morning I got up, as I always do, and weighed. My weight is the same as yesterday.

I should be celebrating, but it has cast a shadow over my morning. I am well aware of general body fluctuations that will affect the scale. I’ve been monitoring my weight for enough years, that a little jump up doesn’t bother me. But the trend that I have been having is not experiencing a little plateau. The plateau I am on has lasted for YEARS.

When I was participating in the Weigh Down Workshop and I was actively losing weight, I stopped doing my daily weighing and weighed weekly. The idea was to stop letting the scale be my judge and let my obedience guide me instead.

Then I read Body Clutter by Marla Cilley and she advocates daily weighing.

I LIKE the daily weighing for one very completely geeky reason. I like to chart my weight. It has nothing to do with my weight. I am overjoyed by the statistical nature of the data. And if what I am tracking is my weight, and it is having a downward trend, then I have all the more reason to celebrate!

When I was in Weigh Down, I lost weight. Fast. I was excited. I was rejuvenated. I was thrilled with my success. I am jealous for those times. I am discouraged. I want out of this pit. I want this visible demonstration of my sin off my body.

The struggle continues

Second night in a row that I was faced with that same driving force. That overwhelming need to finish those 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 bites of food after I knew I was done. I can see this will be battlefield #1. Knowing where the temptation will strike is good knowledge. I guess I need to have a plan-ahead thought. I know that praying before my meal is something I struggle with. I just plain forget. I have my “Divine Hours” book that has prayers for those timeframes (meals) and I really want to get into that habit.

I have finally gotten into the habit for the ones upon waking and for retiring. I just need the mid-day ones to come to mind a little more regularly. I guess that’s the challenge in this, isn’t it? Retraining myself to stay connected with God ALL DAY LONG. Not just here and there when I need something. Hm. Will have to take some steps to get those habits built.