Turning around

The prodigal’s first right step was to turn around – to face home.

When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’

“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’

“But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.
Luke 15:17-24

It would be as ridiculous for me to continue to live in this way as it was for the lost son. I want to be found. I’m ready for the party to begin!

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Dyson Slim

5 Minutes for Mom is giving away a Dyson Slim Vacuum! You can get in on the fun over here.

Surrender

My friend, Heather, posted the video Undo, by Rush of Fools on her blog today. It has been a while since I have been brought to immediate crushing humbling tears.

The chorus says,

Turn me around pick me up
Undo what I’ve become
Bring me back to the place
Of forgiveness and grace
I need You, need Your help
I can’t do this myself
You’re the only one who can undo
What I’ve become

Father, only you know why I keep returning to my sin, returning to the pit. Only you can undo what I’ve become. I surrender. I submit. I need you. Forgive me. Heal me. I can’t do it. I just can’t.

One Thousand Gifts – Part 33

  • 275. Another day of life to travel in God’s direction
  • 276. The sunshiny happiness of my son in the morning (after weeks of whining while sick)
  • 277. The love of a good man
  • 278. Our comfortable home
  • 279. Different versions of the Bible to give me better perspective
  • 280. The presence of the Holy Spirit
  • 281. Reading books to J5 while he’s sitting snuggled on my lap

Choices

Christian Women Online have a special feature called “In Other Words” where they post a quote and take turns hosting the Mr. Linky for people to blog about the quote. The quote for this past Friday was this from C.S. Lewis:

“Every time you make a choice you are turning the central part of you, the part of you that chooses, into something a little different from what it was before…either into a creature that is in harmony with God,…or into one that is in a state of war with God. Each of us at each moment is progressing to the one state or the other.”

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I am so completely ashamed. Today was a charge towards a state of war. Towards hardening my heart. Towards practicing my will completely. I don’t know what went wrong. My morning started out so wonderfully. J5 slept in and I had the chance to spend some time in my Bible just reading and learning about God. I did something different as I was reading the scriptures. I read it to see not what I should be doing, but what the verse taught me about God.

I am fairly certain that the underlying reason that I don’t obey the way I need to is because I don’t really trust God and what he says. I think it’s almost worth a re-read of Beth Moore’s Believing God. That book addresses this exact problem. I’ve posted several times about it on my random wander site – as I was reading that book a while back. Not enough of it stuck, I guess.

Tomorrow is another day and I am desperately needing those mercies of His that are new… I want to take the next right step TOWARDS Him.

One Thousand Gifts – Part 32

  • 267. Birds singing
  • 268. Temps just right for windows to be open overnight
  • 269. Oscillating fans to lull & cool
  • 270. Extra minutes by myself in the morning to spend with God
  • 271. God reaching out to me to draw me back even when I walk away and choose poorly
  • 272. Sisters
  • 273. Super supportive, helpful and caring women at MOG
  • 274. Spring

One Thousand Gifts – Part 31

  • 260. Hot coffee w/creamer & Splenda
  • 261. A good friendship with my Mother, who keeps me grounded when I’m prone to flailing
  • 262. Sunshine
  • 263. The opportunity to work from home and raise my son
  • 264. Christian friends to set me back on track – looking to God and trusting him
  • 265. The opportunity to write for A Group Blog for Christian Moms
  • 266. That it’s not rotavirus…

Gratitude

[Cross posted at A Group Blog for Christian Moms – March 26, 2007]

Back in November I joined in with some really wonderful Christian women participating in a challenge to document One Thousand Gifts. At the time it was leading up to the Christmas season and the challenge was to come up with the gifts that we already had.

I worked on them faithfully for a couple of months, but then hit a dry spell. About a week or so ago I combined a couple of blogs I had into one in a new location. This new location did not support the numbering method I was using and has required me to open each post and manually number all of my entries. When I first realized that all my record-keeping was lost, the perfectionist in me was screaming! “When am I going to have the time to go back through and put those numbers in?!?” “How ridiculous to not support those ordered list tags!!!” “I’m going to have to write in and complain!”

It’s funny. Whenever I get done having my mental temper tantrums, God quietly steps in and teaches me the next lesson He’s got waiting. And I feel ashamed. (My son, who is 18 months old has temper tantrums and I know only too well how silly and useless it is to throw a fit. Nothing is accomplished. But that doesn’t stop either one of us, I’m afraid.)

But back to my lesson. This afternoon I decided I would take the time to edit just two or three posts. It was amazing. I just took a few minutes and as I was editing the formatting of the HTML, I read through the things I was thankful for in that day. Suddenly the little disagreement I’d had with my husband an hour earlier faded into appreciation as I read little reminders of how good a guy he really is. And feeling that gratitude had this strange side-effect. I was humbled. My pride climbed off it’s ladder and I was able to face my husband lovingly instead of defensively.

Psalm 50:14-15, NLT
Make thankfulness your sacrifice to God, and keep the vows you made to the Most High. Then call on me when you are in trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory.

I think it’s time for me to get started again on those One Thousand Gifts. My “Gifts” posts are here. Would you consider joining us in taking a few minutes out of your day to make deliberate note of the wonders that God has placed in your life?

Simplify

One of the things that God seems to be telling me today is that I need to simplify. I need to stop looking to others to save me. Others can be a help, a loving hug, and an encouragement, but the saving…that’s reserved for Him.

The thoughts He has given me over the past day or so are somewhat random, but point in the same direction:

  • Using my body’s hunger mechanism will take care of the weight my body wants to get rid of.
  • When I am tempted to ignore that God given mechanism, I need to do what is found in James 4:7:

    So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

  • I have been wallowing in the pit for the past few days, and flailing around in either shame or desperation. Not knowing what to do, I get the answer from Isaiah 57:15:

    I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.

So, wait for hunger, repent and humble myself before God, resist the devil, and let God get to restoring my crushed spirit and revive my courage….

Oh, I DOVE in this time!

I need to write, just so I’m not running away. Had a friend ask me about Weigh Down. Funny how I can be tempted to return there solely because I had success there.

I need to remember it was my reconnection with God that made the change in my life, not Gwen.

I’m feeling weak and useless today. But I need to remember that the dark times are actually when God’s closest and I need to stop trying to go deeper and hide.

The light will come again.

I surrender. But this time, to God’s hand, not to the temptation.