A prayer

“…I have sat down and pounded out my faith on a keyboard…”

I’ve got nothing to say. My thoughts swirl around me like confetti in a Dyson.

I feel the drama of the day, but it is of interest to no one but me.

But the quote above prompted me to kick open a new post and just write.

Lord, if there’s something in here I’m supposed to get out, please do Your thing…

“When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”
Psalm 32:3-5

This is evidently more for me than it is for any of you…

Father, I get it. I have confessed my actions regarding food over and over again. I need to confess my rebellion. This thing I do where I pretend in my head that you don’t see me. That I essentially stick my fingers in my Spirit ears and go “la-la-la-la” while I take actions that I very clearly know are wrong, but do anyway. It happened again this evening. I felt my inner hand go up to block the Spirit from getting in my way. I rebelled. I did my own thing. I am sorry. Please remove this rebellion from me, as I do not have the strength within me to rid myself of it.

In the things I have read this evening, various blogs, Lord, I have heard you speak about the struggle I am in. This is all part of the discipline you have for me. “…Your hand of discipline was heavy on me”. Please, let me cooperate and learn. I would ask for a shortening of my time of suffering, but what I want more is for the discipline to be effective. I want a changed heart, Father. Not this rebellious one I have cultivated for so very long.

Make me yours. Make me pure.

Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7