“…I have sat down and pounded out my faith on a keyboard…”
I’ve got nothing to say. My thoughts swirl around me like confetti in a Dyson.
I feel the drama of the day, but it is of interest to no one but me.
But the quote above prompted me to kick open a new post and just write.
Lord, if there’s something in here I’m supposed to get out, please do Your thing…
“When I refused to confess my sin, I was weak and miserable, and I groaned all day long. Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat. Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, ‘I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.’ And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.”
This is evidently more for me than it is for any of you…
Father, I get it. I have confessed my actions regarding food over and over again. I need to confess my rebellion. This thing I do where I pretend in my head that you don’t see me. That I essentially stick my fingers in my Spirit ears and go “la-la-la-la” while I take actions that I very clearly know are wrong, but do anyway. It happened again this evening. I felt my inner hand go up to block the Spirit from getting in my way. I rebelled. I did my own thing. I am sorry. Please remove this rebellion from me, as I do not have the strength within me to rid myself of it.
In the things I have read this evening, various blogs, Lord, I have heard you speak about the struggle I am in. This is all part of the discipline you have for me. “…Your hand of discipline was heavy on me”. Please, let me cooperate and learn. I would ask for a shortening of my time of suffering, but what I want more is for the discipline to be effective. I want a changed heart, Father. Not this rebellious one I have cultivated for so very long.
Make me yours. Make me pure.
Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Psalm 51:7