I’ve screwed up…

Ok, how do you recover from complete and willful sin? That was my day and now I am sitting here not sure what to do. I am so frustrated with myself. I don’t know how many more times I can do this before my heart just crusts over and I’m stuck in my sin.

I ate the way I wanted to today, not the way God wants me to. I had a few moments where I was aware of my choice in front of me. And to quote the knight guarding the grail…I “chose poorly…”

I have still read my Bible in the morning, but that’s all. I haven’t done my TLT study in several days. My weight was going down, so I got proud and busy. This morning it was all the way back up.

I took J5 to Sabbath School yesterday. It was a nice time. I think I’ll go back again next week. It was hard though. I got there at 9:30 AM. They start with songs up in the sanctuary, then break into classes after that. There was a woman playing the guitar and a man leading the songs. There were about 15 people there. It was so pitiful. I sang my heart out. Ended up getting the attention of one woman. She said something in my direction about a “future song leader”. That scared me. Made me feel like the church is struggling.

I was only there for Sabbath School, so I have no idea how the minister is, nor how actual church attendance is. There were about 6 other children J5’s age in Cradle Roll. It was nice because they sang some of the old songs I remember. It was good for J5 to be around other children and be in a class setting.

I just don’t know.

And now that I’ve gone and ONCE AGAIN chosen food over God…I don’t even feel like I can ask Him for help. Why do I, time after time, fail God?