Drained, physically, emotionally, spiritually…

J5’s sick. He has an ear infection. I know that most parents, by the time their child is this age, have been through it before, but this is our first. J5’s not had a fever before and it has scared me so badly.

I want to run and scream and cry and hide, but that’s not what mommies do. We stay strong and tough and comfort and sooth and calm the little one who just does not understand why things don’t feel good.

I never realized just how much of my heart lives outside my body in that little guy.

We went to see the doctor this morning and Daddy held him while the nurse and doctor did their poking and listening and checking. The sound of the crinkly paper liner on the table sent him into hysterics. It took all of my strength not to just snatch that little body out of his arms and run out of there. Daddy did a perfectly fine job of holding and comforting him, but THAT’S MY JOB!! I’m the MOMMY!

Now, as I sit here listening for any abnormal sounds over the monitor, I wonder…how does God feel when we hurt? If we are his children, does he have these same feelings of fierce protection and the supremely intense desire to make all the pain go away?

I did not spend the time in the Bible that I needed to today. My day started with J5’s weak and panicky cry, and now ends with me wondering where it all went. I can only remember picking J5 up again and again and again as he stumbled over for another hug and snuggle with his blankie. I loved that he came to me and wanted me to comfort him. I just felt so awful, over and over, that I could not immediately take away his pain.

Well, I must go now as I have the feeling J5 will be up in the night. All of the doctors questions have come to pass. J5 was fine until this morning. We went in and she asked how his appetite has been. He ate just fine this week. Then today, he pretty much stopped. She asked if he’s been pulling on his ear. Not really. Until this afternoon. Then she asked how he’s been sleeping. He has not had any unusual interruption in his sleep…

Stay tuned.

One thought on “Drained, physically, emotionally, spiritually…

  1. Hi Lundie, It’s Christa. I have been praying for J5 the last couple of days. I felt like a burden was released this morning during prayer and that J5 will be feeling better soon. You are such a caring and loving mom. I really looked at your whole day with J5 Spiritually comparing it to The way our Father cares for us and it really touched my heart and made me think about a few things. Love,Christa

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