Posted in Blessings

One Thousand Gifts – Part 15

  • 150. The healing warmth of sunshine on my body and spirit
  • 151. God-inspired verses of the day that speak directly to my heart
  • 152. The sense of accomplishment when I complete a task
  • 153. My mother’s unwavering friendship and support
  • 154. My extremely hard working husband
  • 155. My son’s improving health
  • 156. Old e-friends and they’re continued prayers
  • 157. The fact that God will never stop pursuing me even if I’m continually wandering off
  • 158. Mary Kay satin hands lotion during the winter
  • 159. Diet Sprite
Posted in Reflection

One Day at a Time

This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:24 NLT

One of the phrases I picked up from my time involved with OA is “One Day At A Time”. The verse above come to me via my K-LOVE Encouraging Word of the Day.

Whether it was the half hour I laid on my floor in prayer, or the sunshine, or the effects of the Zoloft. Or, as I believe, a combination of all of the above, I feel a bit better today. I’m not all “puppy dogs and sunshine” (in fact, my dog is really getting on my nerves.), but I’ve gotten some work things accomplished and that makes things better.

God made me. He made today. I will take what I’ve been given and try to rejoice in the little good things. Will be blogging them on my random wanderings.

Posted in Reflection

Faith and Medicine

Where does faith end and medicine begin? Or can I have both?

I chose yesterday, after fighting increasing depression over the past several days, to start taking my Zoloft prescription again. It’s practically the lowest dose I can take (it’s the lowest they make it in). But now I seem to struggle with another dilemma.

Is use of medication a lack of faith?

I took my son to the doctor this past weekend because he had a fever. I gave him Tylenol and we also got antibiotics to fight his ear infection.

Was this a lack of faith? Or the act of a responsible parent?

Depression isn’t the same as an ear infection.

Is the fact that I am even questioning all this a stronger indication of my lack of faith?

I believe God CAN heal me of any and every disease, ailment, illness. But do I believe He WILL? No. This has been a struggle of mine for ages. It all comes down to whether I believe God loves me. Whether I believe He loves me as much as I love my son. Whether I believe that He is working out His will in my life.

I just read the Beth Moore book, Believing God. It was really good. But I haven’t been putting into action the things she described. One of those things was to remind myself of these 5 things:

  • I believe God is who He says He is
  • I believe God can do what He says He can
  • I believe I am who God says I am
  • I believe I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
  • I believe God’s word is alive and working in me

I am afraid these must not be true. I am scared. I am lonely. I am depressed. These things affect everything I think and do. I am taking the Zoloft to see if it will help clear away some of the fog. I want to be full of faith and trust. I guess at this point I feel like it’s the responsible thing to use the tools (medications) I have been given. If I don’t, I’m just more confused, struggling harder against something I’ve already been given the tools to fight.

Or am I just rationalizing. You know, sometimes it’s a real curse to be able to see both sides of every argument that is before me…