This week’s recurring topic seems to be “What makes a person a ‘friend’?”. Just because someone has had the “friend” designation in the past, it does not mean they automatically keep the title for life. “A friend from High School” may not just identify when we became friends, but it could also indicate the lifespan of the friendship.
In my book, a friend:
asks you how you are doing, then they actually wait and listen for your answer!!
says “hey” once in a while, just ’cause
casually interacts with you via social media (if they partake), no drama needed
doesn’t think of you as a “one stop pep talk” and then go back to their “real life” when they feel better
The old saying, “The only way to have a friend is to be one”, rings more and more true with me. Friendship is a two-way street. I am under no obligation to be a friend to “needy” people. (Please note: “Needy people” are quite different than people who need a friend.) Needy people don’t recognize that genuine friends (those who listen, support, and love) might actually want a friend in return.
While I don’t want to be too “transaction-al” in friendship, I am closing up the 24/7 friendship pit-stop for those who show up, take my time and emotional energy, and then disappear again.
Guess I’d better spend some time considering whether I treat anyone in my life that way too…that would really suck!
Being wrong is not the worst thing in the world. The more quickly I come to terms with it, and admit it (to myself, and to whomever else is involved), the less pain involved.
I am trustworthy enough to care for myself. Things greatly improve when I do the things my heart and soul are begging me to do. When I do, I build trust and peace follows.
Healthy boundaries take work, but they set you free.
How I Want to Live in 2015
I want to build on the things I learned in 2014.
I’m trying actively to NOT make resolutions, or to use drummed up will-power to make huge changes in my lifechanges triggered by panic, or based in fear. Real change only sticks with me if it weathers all moods. And I can’t make the change until I’m good and ready. I’m pretty darned stubborn.
I want to discover my alternative to churning up resolve and attacking things I need to change in my life. My life doesn’t have to be that hard. Fighting myself is counter-productive. This year is going to be about figuring out how to stop that fight.
1/4/15 10:30am – Edited: I woke this morning with the thought that this post wasn’t quite right. It’s not about will-power as the mechanism, but fear. I refuse now to make knee-jerk changes based on fear.
I feel like 2014 was a pretty eventful year. I’m sure I feel that way near the end of each year simply due to the holidays throwing us into a flurry of interrupted routines making things feel more chaotic than normal.
However, the largest change this year was a doozy. After 10 years, I left my job to launch myself in a new direction more suited to me. It was not easy, as relationship and loyalty are high on my personal values list. However, I came to the realization that my relationship with myself, and my desire to be loyal to who I am, were in conflict with my staying, it simply became the right thing to do.
And so far, I absolutely LOVE my new role!!! I haven’t had the opportunity to get to know too many of my coworkers yet, but everyone has been friendly and responsive. And the work itself? It’s just so me. I get into work and there are specific things that need my attention, and I can complete them and mark them done. Checklists make me so very happy, and accounting is full of that kind of work!
We hosted Christmas this year, and I cooked my first turkey and ham! We had 14 people in our not-so-big-for-hosting home, but it was a success!
As I look back at this year, I am grateful. I’ve learned a lot. I’m seeing things in a new light. I’m really looking forward to making more choices and changes, and seeing where it will all take me!
The happy-looking-forward feeling that is surrounds the starting of a new job!
That I made the right and most impactful decision of my life in 1992. I am choosing to take full ownership of the good decisions I made in the most difficult time in my life.
That this list is complete. As much as I feel that taking the time to renew my awareness of the aspects of my life that are positive can be beneficial and therapeutic, I find that the forcing of a state of gratitude when my spirit isn’t in that place is drudgery. In fact, if I can’t “drum up” any non-standard (home and family) answers, the result is I feel worse. That being said, I take a moment to be proud of myself for completing the list and not just dropping it!
The winds of change do blow. Yesterday I closed a chapter in my life. Left a company I was with for 10 years. At the beginning of next month I will start a new job, with a new company. I have been somewhat quiet over the past several weeks because it has taken a great deal of my energy to make that kind of huge, deliberate change. One of the things I have said repeatedly is “why anyone would churn up life like this on purpose is beyond me”. But yet here I am, doing exactly that.
There are enough obstacles in life to what I dream of doing, I do not need to be one of those obstacles. Honoring my gut, honoring my heart and soul, and making the decisions and changes that I simply know need to be made. That’s how it happened.
Watching other people in my life do the brave things, and make the changes that need to be made, has made it all the more possible for me to have the courage to do the same. In all my time of making sure I have been following rules and doing what I’m supposed to be doing, it is finally becoming truth to me that the only one who can really judge what I’m supposed to be doing is me. There is a huge weight lifted (and a lot of martyrdom purged) by doing what I know in my gut I need to do. I’m grateful for that gut-knowledge, and hope to get better at listening to it.